The Latest Rumours
An entirely serious response to a situation that may or may not exist
We didn’t want to do this. But the lack of clarity has forced our hand.
Over the past 24 hours, WombleWorld has become aware of a series of extremely concerning developments in and around AFC Wimbledon. These have not been confirmed. They have not been denied. And crucially, no one has told us they are ridiculous.
Below is a summary of the most serious rumours currently circulating. We are publishing them in the interests of transparency, accountability, and because someone has to say something. We all know that the best thing to do with rumours is to spread them, so here are the….
Latest Unconfirmed Factual Rumours
👀 Wombles Had A Dream podcast have been forced to cut costs on recording equipment after losing access to their Great Aunt’s Nectar card. We understand that they are actively exploring other loyalty schemes with a matter of urgency.
👀 The club is also experiencing wider financial difficulties as communicated to fans in multiple updates over the last 12 months but this is further evidenced the following intel from a WombleWorld Insider
👀 Scarves in the club shop have been shortened by 9% as part of a quiet cost-saving initiative. The price remains the same. This is clear evidence of scarfflation.
👀 Robin Bedford has been instructed to purchase washing liquid from Lidl across the road, ending a long-standing reliance on premium detergents.
👀 San Miguel at Plough Lane has been watered down, and now reportedly tastes like beer-flavoured water.
👀 A mysterious New Board calling themselves the “Robust Oversight Board” (ROB) is now flapping above above the PLC. It consists of Mark Robinson, Robin Bedford and Christopher Robin, operating in secret, insisting that we offer bond holders an early bird repayment schedule on the condition that they reinvest via seed funding into Plough Lane Bonus 3.
👀 Romesh Ranganathan has been outed as the mystery minority investor after he admitted having a two headed eagle tattooed on his arm. Apparently he also has a tattoo of Richard Pryor which will really push Craig Cope’s recruitment strategies to new lengths.
Our Demand
Taken together, these rumours point to a system under pressure.
We therefore demand:
Immediate Statements from all involved at Wombles Had a Dream Podcast over the ongoing viability of funding a podcast from a dwindling account of Nectar Points
Urgent clarifications from the Club Shop about the length of scarves
Confirmation from the DTB that they are seriously going to debate considering creating a working group to review their policy on statements at their next scheduled Board meeting.
and finally an FAQ relating to Romesh’s tattoo. If we can hear directly from Romesh too that will help settle matters.
Until then, WombleWorld will act responsibly by treating these rumours as established fact and ensuring they are widely shared on social media, causing minor panic among the fanbase while also boosting our engagement metrics.
WombleWorld
We also heard a rumour that our next home kit will be blue, with a bit of yellow on it. As this could not be verified we decided not to print it.
LOL! I also heard that the players were only going to be allowed to run at 3mph to reduce the cost of feeding them at lunchtime training sessions.
Love the "scarfflation" bit. The way you thread financial anxiety through absurdist humor really captures how club finances feel incomprehensible untill someone explains it through beer quality. Used to follow my local club's financial reports and found the same thing, numbers mean nothing but watered-down pints tell the real story. Solid satire that actually lands becuase it's rooted in something real.